I don\u2019t want to brag but, things are going pretty well for me. My problems are small and my blessings are many. When I am old and grey (well, older and greyer) and look back on the \u2018good old days,\u2019 that time will probably be now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But of course, neither I nor my life are perfect. Mistakes have been made along the way, and continue to be made in the present. Most commonly, a failure to act when action was needed. All too often I practice the fine art of procrastination. So when I saw the following quote, I took it as an appropriate kick in the ass:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe best thing you can do is the right thing. The next best thing you can do is the wrong thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Sounded like something my father might say. Something that a serial procrastinator such as myself ought to pay more heed to. When in doubt: do something. Hey I knew what I could \u201cdo,\u201d I\u2019d post that quote on Facebook, and maybe someone else would find it inspirational too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Someone did. But not in the way I intended. Mr. Wizard seemed to take it as a personal attack and responded with this exact text:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow many of us have much effect other than positing what is right or wrong? Needless to say, I am enjoying life doing nothing and I will die before anyone gives a sthit. I think at least the happy ending will happen to you too.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
What in the hell was that? And yes that\u2019s how he spelled sthit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was Mr. Wizard now presuming to be my guidance counselor? My life-coach? Was he drunk? Although I had been routinely deleting his comments, this one really begged for a response. But how to do it? I tried writing a point-by-point response to his comment, it went like this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr. Wizard:<\/strong> \u201dHow many of us have much effect other than positing what is right or wrong?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
ME:<\/strong> A few. But you will not be one of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr. Wizard:<\/strong> \u201dNeedless to say, I am enjoying life doing nothing and I will die before anyone gives a sthit.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
ME:<\/strong> Correct. That was needless to say. And please count me among those who don\u2019t give a sthit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr. Wizard:<\/strong> \u201dI think at least the happy ending will happen to you too.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
ME:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019m already pretty happy, but considering that your idea of happiness appears to be doing nothing, having no effect, and dying before anyone gives a sthit – then I’m afraid I must decline your kind offer. Good luck with that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I though that was pretty funny, at least it amused me for awhile, but I didn\u2019t post it. As usual I just deleted his comment, in the vain hope that he might give up. But I was wrong. There were more comments. Many more. Until Mr. Wizard posted this little beauty on his Facebook wall:
\u201cDo you have that friend who posts far left or far right meme’s but is unwilling to take constructive criticism or hear anything contrary to his\/her beliefs, regardless as to how far out or conspiracy driven their ideas are? Me too. He has previously blocked me from continuing to respond to a post, and today sent me the finger. I give him credit however, he has not unfriended me and we do remain friends in real life.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nI laughed. I knew he was referring to me because that very day I\u2019d made a post which featured \u201cthe finger.\u201d It was not specifically targeted at Mr. Wizard, so once again he was mistaken. But then again, if the finger fits\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And Mr. Wizard thought he was offering constructive criticism? On what? Dying before anyone gives a sthit? Socialist fire department policy? The fake news of the friendly farmers? The Prager U conspiracy?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh my goodness, how would I ever survive in my fantasy-world of delusion without Mr. Wizard\u2019s wise council? Just fine probably. I\u2019d gotten along my first 50 years without him, and was hoping to spend whatever years I had left with the same absence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But it wasn\u2019t to be anytime soon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As Mr. Wizard mentioned, we remained friends in real life, though a more accurate term might be \u2018frenemies.\u2019 And though he was a constant annoyance, he was also an endless source of unintentional comedy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the next comedic episode would play out in real life, as Mr. Wizard returned to prove once and for all, that he \u2018knew a lot about pool.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n